The Problem With Being Right

A while back I completely deleted my Facebook. Unplugging in such a severe way shocked many close to me. While there was a myriad of reasons, the simple truth was I was weary. I was so tired of people fighting over anything and everything. Seven years ago I could have soldiered on probably, but the daily weight of grieving a missing child from your family just made it impossible. I didn't want to grieve over one more thing. I was exhausted, so I just hit delete.

Flash forward to 2020, the year the world fell apart - or so it seems to many of us. I am back on Facebook and experiencing the same shock and horror at people's need to be right. What I would like for us to consider is there is another way, especially if you profess to be a Christian. Put people first. God will always put people first.
People before politics.
People before power.
People before policy.
People before property.
People before profit. 
People before passion.
People before punishment.



Matthew 22:36-40 (NIV)

36 “Teacher, which is the greatest commandment in the Law?”

37 Jesus replied: “‘Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.’[a] 38 This is the first and greatest commandment. 39 And the second is like it: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’[b] 40 All the Law and the Prophets hang on these two commandments.”



We start by loving God. To love something means to have more than a head knowledge of that thing. Just think about someone or something you really love. They are more than a list of attributes to you. And love isn't a deep surging emotion we feel in out heart either. Those come and go. When you really love someone, you love them despite how you feel in the heat of a moment. The reality is when we love God we draw close to God. The closer we draw to God, the more we see how He sees, feel how He feels, love like He loves.

Which leads us to the second part: loving others like you love yourself. I can already hear the arguments brewing, I have suffered them a thousand times before. They sound like this: I do love others but...; this is tough love; I love the person but hate the sin. The problem with all these statements is that hinge on our view of "rightness". Most of the time when I hear someone espousing these statements it is because they are in an argument over some issue. They have put personal belief over people. Jesus added a qualifier to his statement of how to love others. He said, love them like you love yourself. God knows we are fallen. We all are going to get it wrong at least some of the time. I know for a fact in twenty years I will look back at many of the things I thought and shake my head. We are fallible. We are human. We are not God. "But I know what God says about _______, so I am right." Here is the thing, in our brokeness, we get it wrong sometimes. I'm not saying there is no way to know truth or God's heart (see step one...love God), but what I am proposing to you is that we often have strife and discord because we see one tiny piece, but God sees the whole.

Let me give you this example. Look back at the story of Cain and Abel in the scriptures. Abel is offering God a animal sacrifice while Cain is offering vegetables. God had set up a system of atonement through blood. God had a purpose and a plan far bigger than two brothers, so He talks with Cain about it: "Why are you so angry? And why do you look annoyed? If you do well (believing Me and doing what is acceptable and pleasing to Me), will you not be accepted? And if you do not do well (but ignore My instruction), sin crouches at your door; its desire is for you (to overpower you), but you must master it." Genesis 4:6,7 (Amplified version). Here we see God's heart. God's heart was for Cain. He didn't bash Cain or tell him his offering was stupid. First he acknowledges Cain's feelings. He said instead, believe me, trust me, I know more than you know. He did not say, "Why can't you be more like your brother, or even listen to your brother he is right". Truth doesn't come from us, it comes from God. Most importantly, God didn't want Cain to suffer through the choices he was heading toward. He did not want Cain to live the rest of his life in exile, on the run as a murderer. Yes, God cared for Abel's life, but here he is focused on Cain. He wasn't shaking His finger in Cain's face saying "Don't hurt your brother." He was trying to deal with Cain's pain. Anyone who has had more than one child can easily understand this concept. It is possible to love ALL your children.


Which leads me back to loving others as you love yourself. We are selfish by nature. We think of ourselves above all. I guarantee if you were able to keep a running tally during a day of every time you think about yourself, it would be impressive. We think about feeding ourselves, how we feel, and what we want almost constantly. But what if we stopped to think of others, not through a lense of our own rightness, but just how they feel and what they may want? Again, think about someone you love enough that you would give your life for that person. If it is your children, you are constantly thinking about their needs, their hurts, their challenges. That is what it looks like to love.


So back to the idea that God's heart is to put people first. My heart has been so grieved to see so many posts on social media that aim to put our own rightness first. Here are some examples from Scripture of  times people put other things first.

Politics, Policy, and Power, oh my!

23 “Woe to you, teachers of the law and Pharisees, you hypocrites! You give a tenth of your spices—mint, dill and cumin. But you have neglected the more important matters of the law—justice, mercy and faithfulness. You should have practiced the latter, without neglecting the former. 24 You blind guides! You strain out a gnat but swallow a camel." Matthew 23:23

Property and Profit

13 "When it was almost time for the Jewish Passover, Jesus went up to Jerusalem. 14 In the temple courts he found people selling cattle, sheep and doves, and others sitting at tables exchanging money. 15 So he made a whip out of cords, and drove all from the temple courts, both sheep and cattle; he scattered the coins of the money changers and overturned their tables. 16 To those who sold doves he said, “Get these out of here! Stop turning my Father’s house into a market!” John 2:13 -16

Passion and Punishment

21 “The son said to him, ‘Father, I have sinned against heaven and against you. I am no longer worthy to be called your son.’

22 “But the father said to his servants, ‘Quick! Bring the best robe and put it on him. Put a ring on his finger and sandals on his feet. 23 Bring the fattened calf and kill it. Let’s have a feast and celebrate. 24 For this son of mine was dead and is alive again; he was lost and is found.’ So they began to celebrate.

25 “Meanwhile, the older son was in the field. When he came near the house, he heard music and dancing. 26 So he called one of the servants and asked him what was going on. 27 ‘Your brother has come,’ he replied, ‘and your father has killed the fattened calf because he has him back safe and sound.’

28 “The older brother became angry and refused to go in. So his father went out and pleaded with him. 29 But he answered his father, ‘Look! All these years I’ve been slaving for you and never disobeyed your orders. Yet you never gave me even a young goat so I could celebrate with my friends. 30 But when this son of yours who has squandered your property with prostitutes comes home, you kill the fattened calf for him!’" Luke 15: 13-30




I want to challenge all of us to Love God, to really know God, and then start to love others as we love ourselves. Walk a mile in their shoes. Stop and listen. You may never agree with them and that's okay. But they are God's children too. Do you really need to post that picture, that statement, that meme about your view, however, right you may think it is? Is it going to put the Cain's of the world first, the prodigal first, before yourself? Is it going to help those who you disagree with for whatever reason, know that are loved by God and by you? Or do you love them? Really love them? Are you thinking about their pain? I want to challenge us to love rightly, rather than be right.

Sending love to you all.

What If...

Currently as I type, the world is experiencing a pandemic called COVID-19. At first it seemed far away, like all the other horrible atrocities that are happening "somewhere else". Easy to watch on the news and then walk away and forget. Now however, it has come to our home towns. Somewhere else has become where we live. Most of us are under stay at home orders. For many of us, the world as we know it has stopped for the first time.

This morning it dawned on me that although I have never lived through a pandemic, this is definitely not the first time the world stopped spinning for me. Six years ago, my world stopped when my twelve year old daughter left this existence. I doubted my life would ever be in motion again.

As you sit idly at home, you may be having moments where you feel the same. I know my family has been furiously attempting to come up with some other way to celebrate the Easter holiday while stay at home orders are in place. But what the death of a child taught me is that sometimes no matter how hard you strive, how hard you work, how hard you pray or plan - the results are futile. Sometimes God says No.

Now I come from a very work driven family. My family doesn't work to live, they live to work. Before Taylor's passing I did not have the word no in my vocabulary. I was queen of all the platitudes: "If one door closes, another will open"; "Where there is a will, there is a way"; "Work likes it's up to you, pray like it's up to God"; "Don't decrease the goal, increase the effort". I will be the first to say, hard work has paid off, over and over in my life. There is nothing wrong with grit and determination. But sometimes when the world stops... it doesn't matter how much you kick and claw and work to achieve, the results remain the same.

Now I can tell you, coming to the end of yourself stinks, big time. Helplessness, hopelessness, fearfulness, all of the nesses are terrifying to experience. They leave us feeling lost and alone. Those feelings are valid. However, so is the unseen reality that we are not alone. When life stops - there is God. 

What if this current stillness led us to know that He is God? That when all our efforts fail, He's got this. 

Here is the rub though, the pain you feel of loss - loss of connection with people you love, loss of major life milestones, loss of income, loss of control over your families health, loss of control over what you can purchase at the grocery store - whatever the loss - the pain you feel may stick around. Just because God is there, doesn't mean all the bad circumstances or hard emotions disappear. God is there an an anchor. He was and is and will be. He never changes and He loves you more than you love all the things you are currently feeling a loss over. He loves you more than anything you have ever loved, period. He is love.

So what am I supposed to do with all this pain? Well I am so glad you asked. Six years out, I am beginning to realize the gift of pain. Pain allows us to have deep empathy, true love, for others when they experience pain. I will be the first to tell you, I can be a very self centered person. Left to my natural devices, I would only think about myself. Before losing Taylor, that is mostly what I did. Now however, I feel deeply connected when others experience a major loss. My first thought isn't about my own pain, but how they must be feeling.

Think of pain like water and the selfish places like stone - it takes a great rush of water to carve a path through. The greater the pain, the greater potential impact on our hearts.

What if this Easter we end up all alone at our houses? What if we miss out on a celebration we cherish each year? Will we feel a deep loss? Yes. Could that loss transform our hearts? You bet! What if this time of loss gives us new compassion for people who spend every holiday alone? What if this season of loss helps us think about others we never thought of before? What if somewhere else, never felt like somewhere else, ever again? 

Pain will transform you. It can wreck you and destroy you or if we shift our focus up... it can transform our hearts and mind to be more like the mind and heart of Christ.

Friend, know that you are not alone in this crazy season.